"She lives the poetry she cannot write" - Oscar Wilde
She is back... or she is trying to..
She stopped writing a long time ago. She was scared. Scared that people will read her thoughts. Scared she will admit what was in her mind. She is even scared now. But why?
She used to be fearless you know. Nothing could take her down. Nothing could take her away from her romantic and wild thoughts. She used to write what was in her mind and her heart and wouldn't even think of what people say. She didn't care. She had everything and nothing, she was careless, free and young. She was a dreamer.
And then she started trying to figure out what her dreams were. She left her comfort zone and went to a place where she really cared about what people say. So she stopped writing. Or she stopped when her heart was broken. Yes. Her heart was broken. She broke it herself, she didn't regret it, it is what she wants but she had to make peace with her broken heart and keep moving.
She is 25 and she feels like time goes by without her doing what she needed to do. Has she become the person she wanted to be? Is she young and free? Her life doesn't fit in a pattern. Actually her life does, but her heart cannot. She would love to travel. She would love to go out and dance.. and drink and laugh. She loves doing things that make her escape time. Is that life what is all about? Escaping time?
She likes this moment right now. she is still scared though. Still don't know why. You can only start achieving things when you stop thinking about what people will say... when you let yourself be the real you. She smiled. She is loving how she is just typing her thoughts out. It feels right.
She is a simple girl. She likes to chill with a cup of coffee and watch Friends. She only likes comedies. She hates dramas. But she loves dramatic songs that speak to the heart. She wants to laugh. She doesn't like negativity and she doesn't answer her phone most of the times because of it. She is stressed sometimes because her mind is full of ideas to grow rich but then she doesn't want to hustle. She wants to be perfect. She is jealous of what others have become. But at the same time..She wants to be wild, free, in love, and careless.. Her soul is young. She doesn't like routine cause it takes time away and she only wants to escape time.
You know these moments when you feel like nothing else matters..when you lose the days and time.. when you just feel happy and alive and the emotions are so intense you want to cry? She loves these moments. She lives for them. She is lucky enough she had experienced lots and they keep her heart warm but she needs more now.
You know how they say enjoy your youth cause you won't even understand when you have become old.? It feels like this is happening when you put yourself in a routine with work and a timetable that only dehydrates your creativity. She doesn't want that. She has an adventurous heart.
She wants to believe that she has not even explored her real self yet. And that is a nice feeling.. when you push yourself and get surprised by your own power, your own reactions. She is only 25.. there is so much more out there to discover.. so many feelings she hasn't felt.. so many opportunities she hasn't grasped.. so many trips she hasn't taken. .so many people that will change her life and she hasn't met yet.. She smiles.. Only the idea of what life could bring is fascinating..